37 weeks with Jason

When I found out I was pregnant with Jason the natural flood of choices happened. Shots? Cosleep? Baby wearing? So many choices. However,  breastfeeding was just one choice that was never really a choice for me, I just knew I would do it. And maybe that’s why I over succeeded, because I never worried if I was producing or if I could. Little did I know it was the hardest laziest thing I would ever do in my life. 

I loved that it was always ready – no mixing bottles, or forgetting them at the house (queen of forgetting to pack the diaper bag. Countless times I have taken an empty diaper bag to town), no washing and sterilizing, I didn’t have to get up in the middle of the night since we co slept. And I was lucky, I didn’t suffer from cracked nipples or mastitis, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t recieve my own set of issues either. For example,  it was going great but then I started getting sick, all day – everyday. I started tracking my eating and quickly figured out I was lactose intolerant. No bueno. It was awful! Jason was around 6 months old and I was UNDER 100 lbs. (I was 108 when I got pregnant and 175 when I had him. 😳) I couldn’t keep up my calorie intake with how much he consumed and my new diet. However, the child slap refused formula. 

When he turned 11 months old I put him in daycare and went to work. I thought maybe that would encourage him to wean, nope. I would pick him up everyday and they would tell me he refused to drink anything all day. Jason was almost 2 before he was weaned. I thought I was gonna lose my mind before it happened. 

37 weeks with Ellie Grace

A year after weaning Jason I found out I was pregnant with Ellie Grace. My first thought was “I am not breastfeeding.” That’s how bad of an experience it was for me. I wasn’t gonna and you couldn’t make me. But the closer I got to D Day the more I felt I should. I mean, I did nurse Jason for ten forevers. So, I gave in, and again it came naturally with minimal problems. It took about 8 months before I just couldn’t stand it anymore, nursing aversion had struck. (Nursing aversion, most common in pregnant nursing mothers, is when you feel angry at your child for wanting to nurse) She no longer did it just for a food source, it was a hobby. And there was no distracting her. No matter what I was doing she would stand at my feet, pull my legs towards the closest chair and scream. And it didn’t matter where we were. Then to top it off she would do nursnastics, which was very unpleasant. I could no longer “relax” during these sessions, scroll Facebook, blog, catch up on my shows. Nope. I would have a foot or but in my face. And if we were in public, it was a fight to keep from giving everyone a peep show. 

Yes, she’s attached here

And that’s when the fight to wean began. After different methods, trial and error, lots of tears, 12 months, and two nights of pure hell listening to her scream WE ARE WEANED! (Oh, and I have to give credit to my amazing hubby who does what he can to make the transition easier, he’s the best). It’s been a week and she still has moments where she tries to undress me but quickly takes a cup instead when I offer it. I feel like a human. Finally. 

If I could go back she would have been a formula baby. 

** if  you feel overwhelmingly sad during a nursing session, or angry like I did, please reach out for help. Tell your OB, pediatrician, mom, someone. Do not suffer alone, there is help. Our bodies go through so much and it’s natural to get out of whack and feel crazy, but you’re not. 😘 don’t be stubborn like me 😉


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